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Picture of lilian tokunbo-ajayi
by lilian tokunbo-ajayi - Sunday, 24 March 2019, 3:56 PM
Anyone in the world

There must be a way other than divorce. Divorce has become a canker worm eating up the fabric of our society not only here in Nigeria but all over the world. I still cannot rap my head around the exact reason why as intelligent as most of us seem , we are yet to conquer the issue of divorce. I don't believe that the way to solve a problem is to run away from it. What is most questionable is the fact that most divorces majorly stems from the elites; who are more equipped with the problem solving techniques. It breaks my heart anytime I hear a new case of divorce.

Imagine my disappointment when a one-time colleague of mine called me to say that she has filled for divorce, I was short for words. I didn't know what to say or how to react. I felt like screaming the hell out of her but as a trained counsellor, I was taught not to scare off my counsellee by cutting them short, reacting excessively at their statement or interjecting.So I maintained a reticent posture. She told me how her husband has been irresponsible after having lost his job and leaving her with the task of providing for the whole family including her mother-in-law. She had to ask for assistance from different people including men since her salary had become too little to meet their needs. She went on and on, she even claimed she suspected her husband was sleeping with the nanny.In all these I was waiting for her to say the man had bartered her a couple of times but not once did that happen.

In all her recount to me without out even hearing from the man, I could see a lot of loopholes  from her story, I could see where she could have done better, I could see, the relationship was based on a faulty foundation which she confessed her awareness of the fact.She was aware it was a wrong decision to have married that man, she got married at the time, the society had this expectations of her and this man was available and she jumped in. These things happen, but when we have made that mistake what is the best way to solve it?I don't know myself.Just the same way scientists are working relentlessly to discover the solution to eradicate cancer, so should be a call for a solution to bring the rate of divorce to the barest minimum.To be allowed if and only if there is a case of threat to life.

[ Modified: Tuesday, 26 March 2019, 10:29 PM ]

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    Picture of Kazeem Shitu
    by Kazeem Shitu - Sunday, 24 March 2019, 3:51 PM
    Anyone in the world


    I recently moved house a few months ago and as I recall my experience in dealing with a number of vendors and artisans to get my new place ready, I could not help but notice an unfortunate similarity amongst most of them. Starting with the furniture company, the contact person would never be reachable when there was a problem such as meeting the agreed delivery date. The painter who never picked my calls on days he was supposed to paint but could not make it. Also, the electrician that went amiss when the spotlighting he had supplied were malfunctioning. All these scenarios have one thing in common: I was dealing with ostriches when considering the proverbial ‘ostrich in the sand’. They all believed that the best way to handle an undesirable situation (i.e. managing customers’ expectations or unforeseen situations) is to simply ignore it in the hope that the problem will go away.

    Running away from a problem has never been a viable solution to solving the problem. This got me thinking broadly about how this may apply to the ‘Nigerian problem’ (i.e. corruption, impunity and mediocrity specifically) as a whole. It can be said that there are a huge number of ostriches in the government that turn a blind eye to unethical practices and in politics where politicians have secured the votes they need but no longer see or hear the electorate. Nigeria also has professional ostriches in the form of ‘419’ fraudsters and ‘yahoo-yahoo boys’, whose ultimate goal is to relieve unsuspecting people of their money and disappear into the night.


    I truly believe there a lot of ostriches in Nigeria and the country will continue to wane because of it. We should just remember that as we stick our heads in the sand when we see a problem, the rest of the body is still visible to that problem.

     

    Kazeem Shitu (EMBA 24)


    [ Modified: Sunday, 24 March 2019, 5:56 PM ]

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      Picture of Abiodun Balogun
      by Abiodun Balogun - Sunday, 24 March 2019, 3:13 PM
      Anyone in the world

      And we are back. You’ve been listening to tunes from the turntable devil, DJ Skepta. That last song is a personal favourite of mine, Madu by Kizz Daniel. I like how gentlemanly he is, asking for permission to scatter her brain with money and shift her womb with his rod of correction. Before that, you listened to Dangote by Burna Boy – mad tune if you ask me and the charts seem to agree. The first song after the break was Woske by Olamide.

       

      We still have loads of responses from our listeners by phone calls and on social media. Some calls came in while we were on break and we will quickly play a few of them that were recorded for your benefit.

       

      Caller 4: “Hello Duke, my name is Chinyeakah and I am calling from Malaysia. I am listening to your show online and I never miss it, even though there’s a huge time difference. I think that John has to be very careful with both parties – his mum and his fiancé. While his fiancé was wrong to have retaliated, let’s not ignore the fact that the mother was unnecessarily violent as well. He has to be very mature in handling this. Punishing her is not the solution because if he does, he has to punish his mother as well – something he has no will or desire to. I am guessing it is more out of fear than love because she seems like a very strong-willed individual who likes to have her way all the time. I wish him the best.”

       

      Caller 5: “Mr. Duke, how far now? This is Bright from Ojuelegba. I’m in my shop now and we have been arguing this matter since so I decided to add our collective input. No mother in her right senses should even think of slapping the woman I want to marry. That’s a disrespect to me because me and my wife have become one. If my mother slaps her, she has slapped me. I would have preferred that my wife did not retaliate so that it will be easier for me to talk to my mother and warn her not to try it again. But as my wife has taken the law into her hands, I will call a meeting and ask both of them to apologize, starting with my mother because she’s the one that caused the problem.”

       

      Caller 6: “Hello Duke, I am Mustapha calling from Ikoyi. A similar issue happened to me a few years ago. My mother and my then girlfriend had an altercation and it was really bad. They were calling each other names and almost going at each other’s throats. Being the young mummy’s boy that I was, I quickly sprang to my mother’s defense and asked my girlfriend to leave and never call me again. She left but tried to talk to me over a few weeks’ span. She was very clear about not apologizing but wanted me to hear her side of the story. I couldn’t fathom what she was going to say that would make me understand why she was insulting my mother and I declined to give her the audience she requested. Fast forward two years later, I was seeing someone else and we were about to get married. At my family house, I walked in on my mother having a conversation with my fiancé about how she chased the one before her and she better behave well, else she will also send her packing. It was then I found out that my mother staged the whole thing. She had been insulting my girlfriend and emotionally abusing her for weeks. It was when she insulted her mother repeatedly that my ex blew her top as she had had it. My fiancé was so scared that she called off the wedding and has refused to talk to me ever since. For the sake of my own sanity, I have stopped talking to my mum because she refuses to see the wrong in what she did. My advice to John is to not blindly take his mother’s side, but find out what caused the fight in the first place and apply wisdom in settling the issue. Thanks for letting me tell my own story, Duke.”

       

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        Anyone in the world

        XXIV LEGENDS


        The kick-off of the annual Lagos Business School Dean’s Cup is easily the most exciting event at the school this weekend. If you missed the opening match, you indeed missed a lot of fun, fanfare and a lot of celebration from enthusiastic supporters. 

        The LBS Deans cup is a football tournament organized by the school and is contested between the full time MBA, Executive MBA (EMBA) and Modular Executive MBA (MEMBA) classes. 

        Historically, it originally started as an informal game between two classes in 2005 and has developed since then becoming a full-fledged football tournament involving all MBA classes in 2011.

        The tournament’s objectives feeds from one of LBS’s core values of community. It aims to internalize and foster a sense of community among the student, the school and the society at large. It is organized in recognitions of the relationship between sport and business, and the need to provide an avenue where student can socialize, network, have fun and win together in a relaxed communal bonding activity. In addition, its aims also to encourage student have a balanced and healthy lifestyle despite the rigors of an intensive academic programme. Balancing work and play aids maximum productivity. Like the popular saying goes “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy”. 

        This year’s opening match on March 23rd, 2019 was between EMBA 23, the defending champion and EMBA 24, the new students in 2019. The match kicked off after an opening speech by the Dean- Dr. Enase Okonedo and a ceremonial center kick by the MD of the sponsoring organization.

        Anchored by One of Nigeria’s’ top Radio analyst -Chidozie Okoroji AKA Overdose of Brilla Fm who just could not stop throwing jibes at the players especially Obiora who he claimed is not sure whether he is a striker or defender. While he questioned jocularly why one of our players would give himself a fancy name like Givenchy when he is not a skillful football. 

        The rules of regular football match were relaxed permitting unlimited number of substitutions. As the anchor said, a substitute can replace a substitute who himself have just been substituted. Each halve lasts 30 Minutes with a 15 Minutes break in between to allow the players get some air and have pep talk for the next halve.

        Continued in Part 2…..

        [ Modified: Sunday, 24 March 2019, 3:20 PM ]

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          Picture of lilian tokunbo-ajayi
          by lilian tokunbo-ajayi - Sunday, 24 March 2019, 2:17 PM
          Anyone in the world

          When we were growing up, we had this perception that marriage was a destination; more like a purpose for which we are destined . For us the girls at the time, every grooming given to us by our mothers ended up with talks about getting married and how to conduct proper behavior to avoid carrying a despicable character to our future homes. We were thought how to perform domestic chores, sit, dress, etc. My parents specifically evaluated the kinds of friends I kept, to ensure such friends behaviors and values aligned with the values they have inculcated in us, hence any friend that portends to deviate from the mean of their standard ethical conduct was quickly pruned. My Dad will go as far as  forbidding such a friend whom they perceived as bad from visiting.Their purpose was to maintain a certain standard of behavior for their children which they will carry forward to their marriages. I always felt helpless and invaded.

          However, I accepted my fate because that was all that was obtainable so I thought. I couldn't challenge their actions because we were always told it was for our own good and were advised to listen to the words of wisdom from our parents who had seen it all. The whole time I lived under my parents I never saw my mum pack a bag and leave the house no matter how heated an argument with my dad becomes.I remember seeing her cry a couple of times over some quarrel or the other but not once did she leave the house, much  a divorce. I also remember my big aunt then who comes in once in a while with a black eye after receiving a dose of beating by her husband.She comes to just air it all with my mum and will eventually return to her husband. Divorce was a rare word in those days.

          Be that as it may, today, the opposite is the case, the rate at which rings fall apart in Nigeria is becoming alarming. The most painful part is the elaborate weddings that gulped millions of Naira and all, in less than one year, the marriage has gone under.I feel terrible pain each time I hear a marriage go under. I ask myself what went wrong,? It could stem from too much expectations from stakeholders,  lack of patience or may be divorce has become a trend and we have to go with the trend. My brother once said to me that marriage is one of the most difficult things he has encountered; more difficult than engineering maths. He further said that when people address you as ''madam'' or "oga" its because they can see that your ring is still there and that you are still married despite all its odds. I have called my mum many times to ask how she did it. The challenges of marriage can never be over emphasized, but is divorce the solution? There must be another way.

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            Picture of Kazeem Shitu
            by Kazeem Shitu - Sunday, 24 March 2019, 1:51 PM
            Anyone in the world


            Having lived and worked for quite a long period of time on the Mainland, it is only natural that the majority of my day-to-day activities would happen there. This includes getting a haircut every week or two weeks depending on how fast my hair grows. After many unforgettable experiences, I eventually found a barber that understood the look I was going for and the exact cut I had in mind. As days, months and years went by, my barber and I had moved beyond the realms of ‘business and customer’; we became friends and talked about family, news, politics, sports and so on. On some very busy days, he would even hold a space for me in the queue if I was running late. Everything was perfect until the day came when I had to move to the Island, mainly because of work. On my next appointment, I jokingly told my barber about this new development and he simply replied: “no problem, you can just come on Saturday or Sunday”. He did not understand the challenge of driving all the way from the Island to the Mainland just to get a haircut. On second thoughts, this challenge seemed a small price to pay as I was fearful of anyone else touching my head and ruining my haircut. I eventually moved to the Island and would regularly drive to the Mainland to get my haircut until the fateful day when I needed an emergency haircut and could not drive to the Mainland; I had to cut my hair on the Island.


            As I sat down in this ‘yet-to-be-approved’ barber’s chair, apart from the fear of having my hair ruined, I wondered how my barber would feel if he found out. I truly felt like I was ‘cheating’. The result of this new barbing experience was below expectation and I surely needed my longstanding barber back. The next day, he called wondering if everything was fine because he had not seen me for two weeks. I replied that everything was fine but made an excuse for not coming to get a haircut. I did not say a word about cutting my hair elsewhere. Why you may wonder? I think the most honest answer I can give is that I was not ready to ruin my relationship with a barber that was tried and tested. Before going for the next haircut on the Mainland, I waited for my hair to grow a bit to avoid any suspicion that I had ‘cheated’. As I sat down in his chair, my hope was that he would not notice a thing, but he did. The game was up; I had been caught like a thief in broad daylight. The next thing I heard was an appeal for compensation for revenue he had lost to the other barber.

            I cheated on my barber and I am still cheating on my barber when the need arises. It is amazing how ‘cheating’ was the feeling I felt and is the feeling I still feel when it comes to my barber. I guess the term could broadly apply to anyone with whom trust has been established over a long period of time.

             

            Kazeem Shitu (EMBA 24)


            [ Modified: Sunday, 24 March 2019, 6:14 PM ]

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              Picture of Abiodun Balogun
              by Abiodun Balogun - Sunday, 24 March 2019, 1:14 PM
              Anyone in the world
              Hi Caller 3, what’s your name and where are you calling from?

              Caller 3 (Pascal): “Uncle Duke, diz Pascal from Igando. You see ehn, nothing anybody can tell me. Any girlfriend or fiancé or whatever she call herself dare not slap my mother. Daz the woman that carried me for 9 months bros. How can one girl just come and slap her? What if my mother slap her first? And so what? Did her parents not beat her before when she was still a children? My mother beat me too, I did not beat my own back so nobody can try it with me. I will show her my true colours. In fact, that John no be guy man. Him suppose treat the girl mess up immediately in the present of his mother base on her request, you get me bros?”

               

              Pascal, I don’t get you please. Like I told the previous caller, we will not condone comments promoting violence on this matter or the show generally. Thank you for your contribution. Guys, please when you call in, kindly refrain from making comments like the last two callers suggesting any form of physical beating for any of the characters in John’s story. Let’s not forget that violence is the issue at play here and prescribing more violence is akin to pouring an accelerant on a conflagration. Hahahahahahahahahahaha!!! What I mean is that, let’s not pour more fuel on the fire on ground.

               

              Let’s go to Instagram now and look at some of the comments people have dropped. So, I put John’s dilemma on Instastory and our followers have been responding to question I posed. This time, I added a twist. I asked our followers to respond as John, his sister or the fiancé and the responses are quite hilarious.

               

              @sublynn_a replies: “Haa! Me and that girl have to fight sha!” I’m guessing she’s responding as his sister.

              @oluwafemiye replies: “Both his fiancé and his mum are animals, hiannn!!!” Aunty, you are angry ooo! Please calm down.

              @ms_pearljacob replies: “He’s a very stupid guy. Why can’t he punish his mother as well?” As the headmaster that he is abi?

              @colouredembrace replies: “He’s mad. Nobody should slap another person, especially when they are not your kid. Especially as he’s saying I don’t care what happened. A B E G!!! Let him take several seats.”

              @_iyanu_ replies: “As the girlfriend, I will not slap his mum back. There are other ways to resolve the issue.” Yes dear, but the deed has been done. So, what will you do if you find yourself in that situation after the slapping has happened?

               

              Let’s quickly check Twitter before we go on a commercial break.

               

              @okukneeyee tweets: “Please, let this guy go and solve this. We are not him. Him isn’t we. This is social media, neither therapist office nor God’s house. Thaink you.” Twitter will not be the death of me.

              @ideratrice tweets: “I nor dey put mouth for family matter. God will help them resolve it.” Common guys, this is not helpful. Too many clowns on Twitter. I might have to go back to Instagram at this rate. Let’s take one final tweet before we go on that break.

              @adebusuyi1975 tweets: “Which area e happen? Some of us want to watch Season 1, Episode 2.” I’m done with y’all on Twitter plis dear. We will take a break now and pay some bills.

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                Picture of Abiodun Balogun
                by Abiodun Balogun - Sunday, 24 March 2019, 12:15 PM
                Anyone in the world

                 

                Welcome back, my radio family. Before the break, we heard the story of John who is in a dilemma regarding a fight between his mother and his fiancé.  The phone lines are already buzzing with calls and our social media mentions are popping off. So many people want to weigh in on this topic and I am actually not surprised as it’s a very interesting one. I have my thoughts on the subject and I will share that with John and listeners at the end of the show. However, let’s take some of your contributions now.

                 

                Caller 1, what’s your name and where are you calling us from?

                 

                Caller 1 (Bisi): “My name is Bisi and I am calling from Lekki.”

                 

                Go ahead, Bisi. Lay it on me.

                 

                Caller 1 (Bisi): “I feel like the lady in question is very wrong to have slapped her future mother-in-law. If it was her mother that slapped her, would she slap her back? It smacks of lack of home training. The boy should not marry her at all. She’s not a good wife material. I can’t even imagine my brother’s girlfriend slapping my mother. I will so beat her ehn!!!”

                 

                Slow down, tiger. We do not encourage violence on this show. Thank you Bisi for your contribution though. Caller 2, what’s your name and where are you calling us from?

                 

                Caller 2 (Aisha): Hi Duke! I’m your biggest fan. I listen to your show all the time. But you don’t respond to my Instagram DMs. Why now?

                 

                Oh Aisha, my bad. I get so many DMs that I don’t know where to start from. I’ll tell my producer to get your Instagram handle after your contribution and I will send you a message as soon as I can. Talk to me, what should John do?

                 

                Caller 2 (Aisha): Thank you, Duke. I can never be disrespectful to an elderly person, talk more of my boyfriend’s mother. Even if she doesn’t like me, I will find a way to win her over. My mother instilled in me good character traits that I still abide by till today and I am sure my future husband and his family will find me to be the best wife and in-law ever. That respect has to be there, no matter what the mother does. An elder is never wrong so even if they do something you don’t like, it’s not for you to retaliate or be rude. Be respectful and allow your husband/boyfriend to handle the situation. They will respect you more that way and you won’t be viewed as the troublesome wife. I will be expecting your message, Duke. I can’t wait.

                 

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                  Picture of Obiora Nwokoye
                  by Obiora Nwokoye - Sunday, 24 March 2019, 12:06 PM
                  Anyone in the world

                  Capitalism

                  It is not from the benevolence of the butcher, the brewer or the baker that we expect our dinner, but from their regard to their own interest – Adam Smith


                  With these precepts laid out in The Wealth of Nations, Adam Smith made the case for the modern theories of capitalism. Modern-day capitalism has unleashed a level of wealth, technology, and prosperity never seen in the history of humanity. It has motivated innovators, entrepreneurs and business builders, through self-interest to keep breaking new frontiers and taking humans into the uncharted arena. Today private companies (Space-X, Blue Origin, etc.) are launching space rockets with more technological and cost-effective efficiencies than even NASA and are set to deliver space colonies in the coming century.

                  However, there is a bigger picture, global inequality is also rising as production efficiencies increase. In discussing these economic quagmires attributed to capitalism, I always like to bring some distinctions to mind, namely:


                  • Rigged capitalism: This is where the economic and business actors adopt capitalism by name, however, in practice, they attach other corrupting “-isms” including cronyism, favouritism, nepotism, to name but a few.

                  • Extreme capitalism: this is the unregulated, unmitigated practice of a jungle justice form of capitalism. Where ethical repercussions are disregarded and there is no process or procedure to protect the public interest.

                  • Balanced capitalism: Is the rigorous application of rules and regulations to optimize productive output and guide the capitalist process.

                   

                  These are captured succinctly by Elizabeth Warren on American capitalism below:

                  I am a capitalist. ... I believe in markets. What I don’t believe in is theft, what I don’t believe in is cheating. That’s where the difference is. I love what markets can do, I love what functioning economies can do. They are what make us rich, they are what creates opportunity. But only fair markets, markets with rules. Markets without rules are about the rich take it all, it’s about the powerful gets all of it. And that’s what’s gone wrong in America. 


                  ... to be continued


                  [ Modified: Sunday, 24 March 2019, 12:10 PM ]

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                    Picture of michael fatoye
                    by michael fatoye - Sunday, 24 March 2019, 11:21 AM
                    Anyone in the world

                    As we continued to form a team around eight players and the tournament drew nearer the team had to intensify efforts in recruiting more players to form a team of at least eleven players for a football team. We scheduled more training periods to build up our stamina and better understanding of ourselves despite our tough schedule. Most of the team members had to sacrifice a lot by leaving work early, commuting through the notorious Lagos traffic, contending with domestic affairs and also keeping up with academics.

                    As the match day approached, a lot of planning, was geared from making football players kits available to planning with the coach for match day strategies. We knew it was not going to be an easy match considering the fact we were considered the underdogs playing with the defending champions and this happened to be our first match as a team formed in six weeks.

                    In line with our name; XXIV Legends we were all in high spirits, the team, the cheerleaders, the welfare team and the entire class. We had a match to play and we stepped up for the challenge. No matter the preparation for any endeavours, somehow things would go wrong, it was challenging. We made several substitutions, we changed formation, we had fatigued players, we had injured players. Our opponents scored in the first halve and we equalized in the second have. It ended in a draw.

                    All through the match, it was charged and I was focused on us either winning or drawing. At the final whistle we all knew it was a well-played match, with a lot of back slapping, hi-fiving, hugs, shouts, selfies and a lot of merriment. To us drawing the match was equivalent to winning and I know a lot of individuals would have a different perception about us henceforth. After all we are no longer under dogs, we are XXIV Legends and come April 6th when next we would be playing we would live true to our names and we would win convincingly.

                    [ Modified: Sunday, 24 March 2019, 11:21 AM ]

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