Blog entry by Chiamaka Ibeh

Picture of Chiamaka Ibeh
by Chiamaka Ibeh - Sunday, 27 September 2020, 7:39 AM
Anyone in the world

On Becoming a Better Girlfriend

...thanks to ABP 😊

Friday, 25 September 2020

3:35 pm:

We were in the middle of a negotiation for a laptop swap that was about to go awry. I was in my room, working on my NHB assignments that were due for submission at 5 pm. He was in his house and had sent the driver to stand in for us at the meeting point since neither of us could be present.

I had asked him to do the negotiation on my behalf as he had the skill to turn a ₦3.6 Million per annum contract to a ₦300,000 per annum one *no jokes*.

4:16 pm:

Babe: Why didn't you tell him that your laptop had a dent on the screen and a scrolling problem?!

Me: Haba! I did. I sent him a picture of the screen and a video to show the scrolling problem. Why would he then deny? These computer village people sef!

Babe: He's saying that because of the issues with the laptop, he'll value the laptop at ₦35,000. He says that he would have to replace the screen, fix the keyboard, and then replace the battery to be able to resell it.

Me: @#&!?%

Me: My laptop?! The first ever laptop I bought with my hard earned NYSC money? Beats by Dre customised? Clean body work, 15 inches of glorious beauty? Super graphic capabilities? My one of a kind HP Pavilion 15??????? Is he mad??????????

Babe: Sigh! I'll talk to him. I'll call you back shortly.

Me: Okay. Do your thing or ask them to return my laptop jeje.

4:33 pm:

I call Babe 5 times and he doesn't pick up. I leave him messages on whatsapp and he doesn't respond.

The first thought that comes to my mind, "What sort of rubbish is this? In the middle of this negotiation? I have an assignment to submit at 5 pm. He's leaving me in the dark. If it was his own matter, I wouldn't act like this knowing that he would be anxious to know what's going on."

Then I remembered Dr Yetunde Anibaba talking about how our brain makes first assumptions in situations that are most times wrong. Like when you say that 1000, then 50, then 1000, then 40, then 1000, then 30, then 1000, then 20, then 1000, then 10 added together is 5000 at first glance whereas the answer is actually 4100.

My first assumption was that Babe was ignoring me in this dire situation. I felt like he had abandoned me in my anxiety. If he had returned my calls at that time, I would have spilled some venom and ruined Friday night for the both of us.

Remembering my ABP lessons, I started thinking about my thinking while thinking so that I could think clearly and critically. What if he had been in the rest room as at the time I called? Or on another business call? What if he was actually talking to the seller at that time? What if? What if? What if?

Thankfully, I questioned my thinking and the next call I received from Babe was that the deal had been concluded and the new laptop had been paid for. I felt good knowing that I didn't act on my first assumption and Friday night turned out beautifully! 😊

I hope to make questioning my assumptions a habit. You should too! It could save you a memorable Friday night 😉

What were your lessons from your first ABP class? I look forward to reading them in the comments section!